One too many times when one of my peers decide to divorce, I usually get shut down if I'm one bit critical. I say decide, differing from those who need to separate. I'm making a distinction here.
"If she wasn't happy, then why stay." Then figure out what's wrong in her relationship. "We need to support her." Support what? Her self-centered narcissism?
The Divorce is Contagious Study has been widely talked about in the media. None of the mainstream media I've seen has spoken that divorce as being contagious is good for anyone, rather the media has had segments on ways to prevent and protect yourselves from this divorce phenomenon.
Red Families, Blue Families, Gay Families, and the Search for a New Normal
ReplyDeletehttp://tinyurl.com/27xm9fr
ax, thanks for posting this.
ReplyDeleteIt's a far better argument than the ones we usually get here for neutering marriage. I think he's wrong in assuming linearity (a common error of people making predictions about the future) in regards to the "new normal" or "Blue normal", as he puts it, and while neutered marriage may "fit" better with the Blue normal, this still doesn't answer the question of how it will affect it down the line. Also we need to ask some questions about whether the "Blue normal" itself (regardless of SSM) will still effectively hold together once there is no longer a generational memory of the "Red normal".
Where, by the way, does Hollywood fit in on the line between "Red Normal" and "Blue Normal"? In between, off on a separate tangent, or at the far end of Blue?
To elaborate a bit on my statement:
ReplyDelete"Also we need to ask some questions about whether the "Blue normal" itself (regardless of SSM) will still effectively hold together once there is no longer a generational memory of the "Red normal"."
What I'm getting at is, for one, whether the low divorce rate for the Blue Normal is due to it being of itself less conducive to divorce, or merely due to the economic situation making it easier for "Blues" to conform (in later years) to values they were handed down from their "Red" parents or grandparents.
And if the latter, whether this will continue beyond the generation which did not get these values handed down to them at all.
R.K., my guess is that the pattern of delayed marriage and childbearing is one that has been handed down from "blue" parents to "blue" children for at least two generations.
ReplyDeletePeter,
ReplyDeleteAs we talk about defining what's a family, there is significant social pressure to stop at two in blue areas and delay marriage. The expectation of blue children to perform is high, since blue parents put a heavy financial investment in them. Blue parents may pick out the perfect suburb/school district for their children. Blue parents can be 'helicopter parents' and just as over involve.
Get good grades and don't get pregnant.... even in your freaking mid-20s. Later on go to post-grad and get some job that your parents can brag about so they can pat themselves on their backs. It's really not about the children, but a parent's validation.
It's not that I don't care about our children, it's just my husband and I aren't going to bend-over backwards to participate in a rat race here in Massachusetts.
Families do come in all difference sizes, but not in different shapes. Sorry Barney the Dinosaur who says otherwise. Even people who don't have children or don't get married, they still have a family. The one common and normal thing among every individual is having one mother and one father, even if unfortunately at times a parent is not present in an individual's life. We would like on a small scale as a community and on a larger scale as a nation to facilitate children to be raised by their own mother and father.