The title is as given by Patschef at Masculinisme. The article is from the NYT in 2006. Once again we read the struggle of dependence, independence and equality in how we live out our identities as part of a human race with two genders. A snippet for you.
In the continuing Web discussion about Ms. Hirshman's article, many women angry with her conclusions still agreed with her complaints about the unequal burden between men and women for home and family.
A Web site called the Half Changed World, for example, written by a self-described mom and policy wonk, said: "I honestly don't know what's going to break through the domestic glass ceiling. I used to think that it just was going to take time, that of course the younger generation would adopt a more equitable distribution of labor. I don't see that happening."
Choice feminism doesn't provide any formula or model for happily balancing family, work, love, chores, play, sleep and more. Nothing does anymore.
In my humble opinion, I don't think feminism (or any other -ism) can provide a formula or model for the balance of family life. I think each individual couple has to find that balance, because their relationship, their individual personalities, strengths, weaknesses, interests, and priorities, are entirely unique. There is no cookie-cutter solution, because there are no cookie-cutter couples. Open communication, 100% commitment to the relationship from both husband and wife, and true self-lessness are the only principles which will help any couple strike the right balance.
ReplyDeleteYours, Sincerely
ReplyDeleteI agree wiuth you in spirit to a degree, but would disagree when you say "entirely unique" - there is one thing about eacxh marriage that is not entirely unique, and that is the fact that they are made of a man & a woman.
This, I believe can lead us to some shared ecpectations that will help both ease tension in existing marriages and make new marriages easier to form and marriages more lasting.
On that front I am simply saying that in the main childbearing and early childhood raising be given more social status as an expecation of marriage and carrer development.
As a practical matter this is going to mean that more woman can expect and more men can expect that their wives will spend mutiple years outside the workforce rearing the children.
This is not absolutist however alnog gender lines, this very same standard would have open space for the man to do the home based childrearing should the couple come to that conclusion in the totality of the circumstances.
Agreed. Gender must be a recognized component of marriage. I am a self-determined stay-at-home mother of 5. My husband and I agreed mutually that he would be the bread-winner, so I could be a full-time mother/parent to our children. I feel blessed and privileged to have had the opportunity to stay at home (although that's a mis-nomer; these days I should style myself as a "stay-in-the-car" mom, with all the driving kids to here and there I do). I am grateful to have a 4-year university degree; I use the principles of learning I gained in higher education, constantly, especially editing my children's writing assignments these days. Homemaking, for man or woman, is a science, a business, and an art. I feel energized and fulfilled learning how to better fine-tune it.
ReplyDeleteWhat is frustrating with feminism is a constant battle of the sexes, rather then a cooperation of the sexes. They see it a woman must be equal to man, rather then women plus man equals family. It may seem that I'm ungrateful for things like financial independence, educational opportunities, and the ability to work in any field of work I may desire, because I had children (as in plural).
ReplyDeleteMy husband reminds me, that he lost these freedoms also when he got married. He equally shares the burden, not by staying home but not pursuing riskier career moves, change of degree, and anyways his whole paycheck goes to the kids so he's dirt poor just like me.