The following is edited, you can (if you have a stomach for harsh language) read the unedited version at Masculinisme. I can't attest to his handling of either the failing marriage, or problematic divorce. I just know this kind of strife after divorces is all too familiar.
So without judging what he or she could do better, can we just look at the sentiment being relayed here. I think there is a real important lesson to be learned by looking at these experiences. In these cases where a marriage has dissolved (but the family cannot be dissolved), we can really see what needs are to be fulfilled and what recognition marriage is meant to bring.
This is the problem Jeremy.
Most men are dumb [...], living in a dream world.. We marry these women and because we marry them we trust them... The thing is women are not men... There are a lot of vindictive and devious women... They can also be good actors and it is not until we are married and they have children they show their true colours.
There are two types of men, I feel.. The first type is the one that gets married/has children and has no problems.
We are the second type.
It is this second type, I feel that tend to be somewhat lacking in control or discipline.
Personally speaking my ex wife turned the moment she became pregnant. It was very very quick.. I put it down to "hormones" and let it slide. Then after my son was born she got worse.. Again I made excuses and let it slide in the hope it would eventually sort itself out.
Well.. I guess it did.. and I haven't seen my son for 2 1/2 years.
I let things slide and rather than confronting her negative behaviour I actually reinforced it by letting it slide...
I think we have to try and pinpoint a "root cause" that seems to generally be a part of the situations we find ourselves in. If we can find some sort of [generalization] of the mechanics of this we can then empower other men not yet in this situation to know what to look for and what remedies he might be able to use to rectify or control the [situation]. This is extremely important.
I guess we can maybe build a picture by "talking and sharing our experiences."
What I don[']t like is too much wound licking going on and also talk of negotiating over time..
The fact of the matter is my son is now 4 1/2 and has not seen me for 2 1/2 years.. That time we have missed together can never be replaced.. Every single minute of his life, he is growing and changing.. Personally I've no time for negotiations... If I need to go to prison and really get up peoples noses then so be it.. If that is what it takes for my son, then I will do that.
Frankly I'm not interested in negotiation.. I'm not interested in appealing to these heartless morons with children of their own... Jeez.. if they can be so cold hearted, think how sad their own children are...
It's simple.. I'm either my son's father or I'm not.. If I'm not then stop hassling me for money and all that crap.. If I am then give me rights equal to that of the [woman] that has made sure I cannot see my own flesh and blood..
I don't need to negotiate that.
Regards
Jon Sims
I don't think this proves any kind of promarriage point. This guy is a jerk, with serious personality problems. Reading the edited version, I can see why keeping his son away from his a good idea.
ReplyDeleteWhile we are busy trying to prevent marriage from being redefined into a pointless word, some people (especially some men) are saying that marriage has already been replaced with "marriage 2.0", via easy, no-fault divorce and other family law realities.
ReplyDeleteIt is a culture that devalues marriage that has opened the door to the push to neuter marriage. So many people go along with that idea because they have lost (or never learned) an understanding of what marriage means.
In denegrating masculinity, it becomes easy to lose sight of why it is important to have both a bride and a groom in a marriage.
http://walrus.blogtownhall.com/2009/05/19/conservatives_shouldnt_ignore_male_concerns.thtml
PW. - Exactly...It’s called Matrimony (about the matron) for a reason. Marriage from its earliest conception was understood to be about enticing the man into marriage and civilizing his labor toward his wife and children. We can and have destroyed that gendered deal. Under the androgynous rubric marriage lacks the status to entice both men and women to sacrifice both for the institution and the children it produces.
ReplyDeleteNaturally (once this is gone) antipathy and scorn and anger are let loose. The most precious and intimate bond is reduced to a he said/ she said war between the two sides. What is gone is that communal under standing of marriage as a social good that everyone must sacrifice in order to maintain.