Another Study on Why Some Marriages Last

With apologies to the Beatles, you need more than love - at least to make a marriage work. Most marriages that have ever existed have not been about romantic love or attraction between the participants. As someone from India once old me, they have the expression of "growing into love" instead of "falling in love" – reflective that arranged marriages can be happy if the participants decide to care for each other and grow on each other. While physical attraction is nice and I do think it is important, and a sense of romance is also very nice, fundamental compatibility is essential to a lasting, happy marriage.

Today's news tells of a study jointly written by Dr. Rebecca Kippen and Professor Bruce Chapman from The Australian National University, and Dr Peng Yu from the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs. The Reuters article is by Miral Fahmy.

[Make the jump to read about it.]

A couple's age, previous relationships and even whether they smoke or not are factors that influence whether their marriage is going to last, according to a study by researchers from the Australian National University.

Imagine that - facts like age, marital history, and personal habits make a difference.

The study, entitled "What's Love Got to Do With It," tracked nearly 2,500 couples -- married or living together -- from 2001 to 2007 to identify factors associated with those who remained together compared with those who divorced or separated.

It found that a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turn 25.

I know that in some circles, marrying before 25 is common. I do believe that can work if both participants share a church and have strong family and community support.

Children also influence the longevity of a marriage or relationship, with one-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage -- either from a previous relationship or in the same relationship -- having separated compared to just nine percent of couples without children born before marriage.

Children matter. They make a difference. If people are willing to make them outside of marriage, then they are less likely to be committed to marriage. Also, the stepparent/stepchild dynamic can be a strain.

Women who want children much more than their partners are also more likely to get a divorce.

While I am no fan of divorce, I think that is the better thing to do than to try to "trap" a man who does not want to be a father. I know people change, but they need to be reasonably certain about these things – whether or not they want children - before they marry. In some traditions, to marry is to welcome children (as children are often a natural result of normal marital behavior).

A couple's parents also have a role to play in their own relationship, with the study showing some 16 percent of men and women whose parents ever separated or divorced experienced marital separation themselves compared to 10 percent for those whose parents did not separate.

That ties in to what I have said recently – that the effects of marriage and changing the very meaning of marriage are generational.

Also, partners who are on their second or third marriage are 90 percent more likely to separate than spouses who are both in their first marriage.

Shouldn't that be common sense?

Not surprisingly, money also plays a role, with up to 16 percent of respondents who indicated they were poor or where the husband -- not the wife -- was unemployed saying they had separated, compared with only nine percent of couples with healthy finances.

You mean there is a difference between men and women? Yes, the article reinforces this in this next line below. And notice that a generation or two after some feminists declared that they didn't need a man, it may be that women still expect the man to financially provide - or, perhaps is it that men who experience unemployment are so negatively impacted psychologically that their marriage suffers?

Factors found to not significantly affect separation risk included the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife's employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.

I understand that there are studies that do show that couples are more likely to separate in the few years after the birth of their first child than at other times – attributed to things like the stress of a changing life under parenthood, or that the couple married mostly for the sake of an unplanned pregnancy and then decided it wasn't going to work.

I would be interested in seeing more about the "wife’s employment status". If both spouses have demanding, separate, out-of-the-home-careers, I can imagine that would work for some couples where both members have a certain personality type, but for others the lack of time and energy and the temptations out there with coworkers or with traveling might take a toll, I would think. At some point, there is the risk of a spouse becoming little more than a roommate who also has access to your bank account.

We often hear about a "50 percent divorce rate". But I wonder what the divorce rate is for couples who:

1. Marry between the ages of 25 and 35, both having completed their formal education

2. Share the same faith/religious practice, including attending services with some regularity

3. Were both previously unmarried and childless

4. Married after having dated/courted/whatever between 18 and 24 months

5. Did not shack up before they married? Add in:

6. Both married as virgins

7. Both had married parents throughout their childhood?

I'm sure somebody has done a study that has most of these factors. My guess would be that the divorce rate would be much lower than 50%.